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When I initially came to be a mother, I recognized that I wished to do things in different ways than how I was raised. My mother and father did the best job they could, but they really did not have accessibility to the plethora of positive parenting tools offered today. Positive Parenting
There were a few books on our bookshelf concerning handling power struggles, how to control the strong-willed child, and how to get your kids to comply. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I noticeably remember thinking at the time, “My mom and dad do not understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure just what they learned in those books, but I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a lot of screaming, and a great deal of just plain blowing up.
It was a challenging period of time. And our relationship is still strained today, although I’ve truly forgiven them for their misjudgements. I have actually come to recognize that, while nobody is without flaws, it is our duty to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wanted to stop the cycle when I became a mom.Positive Parenting
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my approach Positive Parenting
My very own experience with positive parenting started when my first daughter was born. I began reading blog posts concerning how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged by spanking, yelling, extreme punishments and practically every other generally approved parenting strategy.
I started to believe, “Well, if you can not do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I realize there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable everyone to have their needs met. I learned more about:
• Solving power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How all of these principles cause healthy child development Positive Parenting
In the process, my other half Antonio joined my journey. But he brought a different viewpoint. He had 2 teen boys from a previous marriage, and had experienced firsthand how being the “mean father” may appear to benefit for the moment. In the long run, it was just promoting disrespect, contempt as well as resentment in what was expected to be a caring parent-child partnership.
Considering his history as well as learning exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to examining and following through with positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyway? Positive Parenting
Initially, let me inform you what it does not indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Overlooking significant wrongdoing
• Providing your children every little thing they want Positive Parenting
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no boundaries
You might see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting technique identifies the truth that cooperation always yields better long-term outcomes than harsh control.
Parents who adopt this design have learned to foster:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Establishing healthy limits
• Developing a child’s foundational character and morals
• Helping children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not due to the fact that they fear punishment if they do not … After all, what occurs once they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is over?
• Recommendation that both children and also parents need to be listened to and valued
• Encouraging kids to establish self-control
• Going much deeper than plain outward conformity as well as concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began on the journey of gentle parenting, I could not envision that there were other methods to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and also yelling. That’s exactly how I was parented, and therefore I simply had no framework for anything different. Positive Parenting
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert as well as owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has served as parenting guide to 75,000+ moms and dads, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System online training course.
Get to the root of the acting out
I mentioned this is deep. It’s frequently simpler (as well as much more typical in today’s world) to think children are simply spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
However we can progress a great deal more towards solving power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They real needs just like you as well as me. As well as frequently their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re at on the brain and also language development spectrum. Positive Parenting
As an example, a toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-discipline) is not yet matured. That indicates they can go from cloud nine one minute to major meltdown the next. Instead of battling a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Young children have little self-control to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that indicates there is typically a primary feeling below it
• Many mad children are actually anxious and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any basic needs that need to be addressed first. For instance, if a child is hungry or exhausted, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to remedy the problem. Concentrate on addressing that big need initially.
• Acknowledge his feelings without approving of the actions (“I can see that you’re truly upset due to the fact that I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I understand it’s hard since you genuinely wish to play on the swings. Yet, hitting hurts, so I will not allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to protect yourself if necessary.
• Focusing more on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the circumstance worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he is OK to do to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a big hug and say “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands right into clenched fists and also growl. The point is to allow him to express his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting works for all ages – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers as well as everyone in between. So let’s talk about teenagers in our next scenario … Positive Parenting
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we desire to obtain from our child, we need to be eager to provide. If I am discourteous, manipulative and also sarcastic to my young adult simply since I “have every right since I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my child started it,” what do you assume that communicates to my child?
It is much easier to provide respect to a person when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mama or dad, you can set the standard and show your teenager that you value their point of view, and also you value them as an individual. Positive Parenting
This does not indicate you have to be a pushover. It does suggest you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will certainly accomplish more than you expect to set the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we want our teenager to treat us with even more respect, the first step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everyone in your life. Positive Parenting
Are you kind to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and to the customer care associate on the phone? In every one of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be considering. Remember, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this one with a definite “Yes!” Or I could share an individual story …
Just the other day, my 2 girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old how she felt, as well as she claimed she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, after that came back as well as returned the stolen sticker label, said sorry and requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and begun playing once more gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or threaten anyone to solve the conflict. And yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You recognize why? Positive Parenting
Due to the fact that we have actually modeled for our children just how to problem solve, exactly how to resolve conflict, and also even exactly how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with everybody around us with respect, as well as model the behavior we desire, you would be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some readers may be wondering about my other half, Antonio, and his two adolescent sons from a previous relationship. Over time, Antonio has actually started parenting positively as well, as well as the restoration of their relationship is nothing except miraculous.
Exactly how can you become a positive parent? Positive Parenting
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is one of the most satisfying things I’ve ever done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be tough to alter your old ways. Yet gradually, you will make improvements. And a year or two from now, you won’t believe how much you’ve altered, along with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I recommend any person that is serious about becoming a more positive mom or daddy to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Positive Parenting
You’ve probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any variety of media channels. Her products have been life-changing for more than 75,000 parents around the world, and also there’s no better parenting guidance you can truly use every day.
In her totally free webinar, Amy shares how to help kids of all ages to listen WITHOUT manipulating or screaming. She’ll help you in beginning parenting positive, and find out how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the cost-free webinar by clicking the button shown below. Positive Parenting
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